Gas Lighting

I have learned many things about life from Jill. One thing she has taught me is the art of validation.

When she says, “I feel sad, overwhelmed, frustrated, disappointed, exhausted, behind.” I now validate that feeling rather than dismissing them. This is a new practice for me and is proving to bring more harmony in our marriage.

In the past I would have dismissed her feelings and told her “you are fine” or “it’s not that bad” or “why are you always complaining?” Or just stare at her like she is crazy. Do you get the point?

She has taught me to let her feel her feelings and say, “I’m so sorry you feel this way” “come here, do you need a hug?” “Let me hold you, it’s going to be ok.” “I understand why you feel this way.”

Then we have a dialog around what she feels. This has allowed us to keep situations from escalating and Identify the root cause of feelings. These new habits have facilitated better communication, understanding, and deeper friendship.

This didn’t happen overnight. It was Jill repeating what she needed from me when I failed to validate her, and me quickly correcting my response from bully to best friend.

I don’t get to decide how someone else feels in the moment.